Thursday, December 29, 2011

Questions questions questions

In the 6th chapter of Hebrews beginning in verse 4 the Bible says that those who have known Christ if they fall away then to bring them back to repentance would be crucifying Christ all over again and that is not possible.

Am I missing the point here? Am I miss reading this chapter? Or did I understand it correctly?


Monday, December 12, 2011

Have you ever noticed?

Have you ever noticed that when you begin to want to do things the way God wants them done, you get bombarded with other things?

I am trying to remember to wake up and thank my Father for this day. No matter what and to ask Him to fill me with His Presence.

Then I try to read a chapter in the bible every day.

I have noticed that the days that I get too busy to do either/both of these things, my day falls apart.

I get stressed out.

I get mad.

I want to cry.

I hurt someone's feelings.

When I talk to my Father every morning, my day goes better.

I can laugh.

I can let things go.

Things work out.

So why do I have trouble remembering to stop and meditate with my Father every morning?


Wednesday, November 9, 2011

The Argument

On my way to work the other day, a car in front of me pulled over to the side of the road.

I drove on past.

Then this voice said: You need to go back and check.

I replied: No.

Voice: There's a turn around right there

Me: No.

Voice: It could be a little lady like your mom.

Me: And it could be a mean person. NO.

Voice: And would I let you get hurt?

Me: No, I'm running late for work.

Voice: Bossman is a good man. He will understand.

By this time I am about 6 miles down the road, having made a turn and halfway to work. I realize that the
Voice is not. going. to. stop.

So I turn around.

Voice is laughing I am sure.

I thought I remembered where this car was and thought, whew, it's gone.


There it was, at the last bridge.

And it was NOT a grandma, or a young girl.

It was a tall young man.

He was the assistant manager to McDonalds and have been visiting his mom the night before and was on his way to work from her house when he had a flat tire. He wasn't even sure exactly where he was to the the tow truck. But with my help the tow truck found him and I was off to work.

I should know by now that I NEVER, EVER, win when the Voice talks.

Hugs my friends!

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Needing Peace?

Find a spot.

Any spot. (Well, don't do this drivin'!)

Close your eyes.

Breathe deep.

Feel the calm.


Monday, October 31, 2011


Do you ever feel like you are all alone?

With the world is crushing in on you?

Like you have no one to turn to?

You say a short sentence: God, are you real?

Then you hear a laugh, or the wind gently brushes by you, or someone walks by and smiles?

Yes, He was with you.

I asked for a hug, a big God hold.

I felt the wind surround me.

I was hugged.

May you receive your God Hug today!

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Wooden cross

While in Wimberly a couple of weeks ago, I saw a wooden cross. It was small compared to the other crosses, only about 6 inches tall about 4 inches across and about 2 inches thick. It was beautiful. It was almost perfect. The lower 2 inches of the bottom of the cross was eaten away. Whether from bugs or tree rot or whatever. It made me think, This is what Jesus was at the moment He took our sins, almost perfect. Just for that instant, he was imperfect, like us. I meant to go back and get that cross. I want that daily reminder on my wall what He did for me. How He became imperfect for me. That He loved me THAT much. Hugs,

Wednesday, September 7, 2011


I am thinkin that maybe I need to connect with someone that has an HIV+  person in their life.

This is not just someone is sick and will get well.

This is a forever thing.

And it is not so wonderful.

I've been crying for over a year.

I didn't think I could cry so much.

I'm tired of it.

Michael is tired of it.

I think Michael is tired of me.

I don't know what to do.

I can't fix this.

I think I can fix everything.

But I can't fix this.

I feel like a failure.

In my mind, I know that is not true but in my heart I still feel it.

Some days it is all I can do to get out of bed.

Then other days I can't go to sleep.

I'm exhausted but sleep will not come.

Which makes crying so much easier.

At any point, I could just fall apart and become just a pile of bones.

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Musings of a Mental Patient

As I sit and wonder about the past.

And think about the future.

I get sad.

I have children that cannot stand me.

Cannot stand to listen to my voice.

Cannot stand to hear me breathe.

Cannot stand to see me.

Unless they need something.

And  until something better comes along they will tolerate me.

There is nothing I can do to change this.

Except to stop breathing, talking and being.

I'm not ready yet.

My heart hurts daily.


Minute by minute.

And it comes across that I am in a bad mood.

I guess next time, I should just walk away.

Say no.

Be cold.

I can change the way I react/act.

I can say no.

I can say this is enough.

I can make a life for me.

I can make my heart hard so that when they say things, they will not know whether it hurts me or not.

I will not cry.

I will go on.

This is not a pity party.

It is just a fact of  my life.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

I lost again

You know those days when every which way you turn something is happening that is not according to your schedule?
I have those often anymore. So I'm trying to open my hands and just deal with it. Let it go.

On my way home I turn the radio on to usually mellow music to unwind from a crazy hectic day that seems to be happening EVERY day lately.

My car has it's own phone number. When someone calls that number, it stops my radio.

The person that had my car's number didn't pay her bills. Her name is Mary. I don't remember the last name.

Yesterday, some idiot calls and asks for Mary. I reply, you have the wrong number, please remove it from your data base. Thanks.

Idiot starts yapping telling me I am Mary.

Sir, you have the wrong number.

I hang up.

He hits redial.

I disconnect.

He hits redial 3 more times.

I even stop and get out at FedEx to drop off packages.

He hits redial 3 more times.

I disconnect every time.

I am almost home, he calls again.

I answer and by this time I am pissed to no end: Hey stupid moron, you have the wrong number! Quit calling me!

He says: NO! I have right numba, YOU have wrong person! We file legal action on you, Mary!

ME: Can I speak to your manager?

Idiot: Hewo? Hewo? You still there?  Hewo

Me: Stop calling me.

Idiot: I call you wots now! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

I lose it. I am screamin: Stop callin me You 'effin Moron!

I disconnect.

I do not know how to turn this phone off.

I am being harassed by several people over this girl's bills.

I called OnStar and had the phone number changed.

Hopefully it won't be someone's old number that didn't pay their bills.

I am really really trying to quit saying the F bomb.

I lost the battle with the Devil.

He pushed and exploded.

I lost yesterday.

But today is a new day.

I will try again.


Saturday, August 13, 2011

The Christian Atheist

This is a fantastic book. It is really hitting close to home with me. I hope you can try it out.

The Christian Atheist


Monday, August 8, 2011

Dove chocolate sayings

You are exactly where you are suppose to be!

Your smile brightens the whole room!!

The fastest way to my heart is chocolate!!

Go grab some Dove chocolates and see if they don't just brighten your day!

The dark chocolate are the very best!


Thursday, July 28, 2011

How do we. . .?

How do we stop feeling like we are not good enough?

How do we stop wanting someone to love us as we are?

How do we love ourselves enough that these thoughts do not matter but not so much that we become conceited?

How do we strive to do our best but it is never quite right?

How do we stop these feelings of inadequacy?

How do we measure up to ourselves and the ones we love?

As parents, friends, lovers, and children, where is the balance?

Saturday, July 23, 2011

Some days

You know that feeling of some days it just might be better to have stayed in bed?

Kinda the way I have felt this past week.

Went to Minnesota to visit some wonderful customers and have come back worn out! I loved it, felt more like a vacation than a business trip, but I just can't seem to get moving with any kind of motivation this week.

Hopefully next week will be even better!


Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Wishin' on Someone Else's Star

I hear this song the other day.

I just love it.

I used to think that was me.

I would wish I had a life like someone else, or I just wanted to BE someone else.

I wanted this and I wanted that, why couldn't I have all that I asked for?

I always wanted to get married, have 6 kids, and be happy.

I got everything I asked for:

I married, albeit 4 times

I was pregnant 6 times

I am content which is much better than happy.

So when I heard this song on Saturday, I thought: Wonder what in MY life someone else would like to have?


Great job?

Great Boss?


Low house payment?




What is great about YOUR life?

What might someone be wishing for on YOUR star?

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

My favorite saying

Sometimes I pretend to be normal, but it gets boring so I go back to being me. .

Yup, that's me!

Normal is boring.

It is what every one else is doing. Yukkkkk!

Who wants to be like everyone else?


Wednesday, June 8, 2011


Today, I just was thinking about you.

Today, I wanted you to know I care.
Today, I hope all is well with you.

Today, I said a prayer.

Today, You are with me and I you.

Today, I send you my love.

Today, I realize is all we have.
Today, let's make the most of it.


Monday, June 6, 2011

It's been a year

It's been a year since I made a flying trip to the hospital to find my son almost dead. A trip that I packed just enough to get me through the night and I was there for 7. Straight. I left on the following Friday to get clothes, check in at work and go back for the weekend. We did not think he would make it through Thursday.

God granted us more time. More time to figure out what is important. More time to realize the gift was that given my family. More time to find Him. More time to remember that we are not always granted more time. More time to cherish the times we have, today.

He has now granted me more time with two of my children. The first time I did not recognize it. I am sad that I did not recognize it the first time. I am glad I know it this time.

It has been a hard year. For Michael, especially. For me. But especially Michael. I think the blogger world has had a helping had in making his life better. His blogger friends have held him up when he was soo down. Sure there have been a few that have been extremely ugly but they do not outweigh the goodness.

Many of you have become my followers also. I am so glad that God has sent you to him. You have made your mark in his life.

We are now moving into our second year. Let's have a party next year!
Love to all!

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

End of time?

Question: How do people think that they know when the 'end of time', 'rapture', and so on, will come when it states in the Bible that even Jesus does not know the hour He will return?

Are these folks even more knowing that Jesus? Isn't this a bit presumptious on their part?

Or am I the one that is nuts?

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Spring vs Fall (in Texas)

Fall at 50 degrees calls for a jacket, ear muffs and the heater turned up full blast in the car.

Spring at 50 degrees calls for a long sleeve shirt (maybe), capris and flip flops. All because we know it could be 85 by mid afternoon!

Have a wonderful day!

Monday, May 2, 2011


I think I've lost Him.

He knows where I am, I know.

I've just walked away and gotten lost.

It's dark and cold.

I want to cry.

I feel alone.

Where's the Light?

Why can't I see?

Please find me.

I'm lost and alone.

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Remember the meaning

Tomorrow is Easter. A day that brings tears to my eyes every year. A reminder of why I have a chance in going to Heaven.

Yesterday, Jesus was crucified. A Horrible Death. For you. And me.

Tomorrow, He arises.

May each of you have a Wonderful Day.

Happy Everafter!

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Thought for today

I am off this morning getting ready to take Micael to dentist for teeth removal and a set of dentures. So I thought while I had time I would read my daily God Issues email.

This saying was in it:
Jonathan Edwards approached our question practically. He resolved "never to do anything, which I should be afraid to do, if it were the last hour of my life." He also determined "that I will live so, as I shall wish I had done when I come to die."

What a great thought! I need to live more like that. I need to let go of grudges, stress, lonliness, all negative energy and do something useful. None of this matters anyway, right?

Hugs my friends! Have a wonderful day!

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Steering Wheel or Spare Tire?

I ws reading the web today. Wanted to listen to some Dallas station. Didn't know the name so I typed in the numbers off the radio. 96.3 dallas tx and found the radio station so I can listen to it at work. Scrolled down the page and found that Rebecca is no longer there but she has a blog telling why she is not there. The name of the blog is Love. Share. Shine. Made me cry.

Then I went to my hotmail account and we reading my God Issues story for today. The last line got me.

Holocaust survivor Corrie ten Boom asked, “Is prayer your steering wheel or your spare tire?”

What is prayer to me? I'm trying to make it my steering wheel, but I'm thinking I use it more often as my spare tire.

How bout you?


Monday, February 28, 2011

God Issues

I subscribe to a daily email called God Issues. Some days it is just what I need to hear.

Seems lately, I should've opened more of these.

It's not that I feel God has left me, I just don't know what He wants me to do. I'm sure sobbing and crying over the split with  my kids is not quite what He had in mind, but I can't get past it. This has been going on for over 4 months. And a wedding looming in the near future, which is causing even more problems.

I'm at a loss.

Then in the midst of this, Tracy's birthday is Thursday. She would be 33. This week it is hard to realize that. She was 8 and a half when she died. Some years I deal ok. Others-not so much. This is an Other year.

Would you hold me up this week?


Thursday, February 17, 2011


Love of life.

Sunshine of smiles.

Anger with age.

Hurting the heart.

Gone for good.

Come home.

Love of my life.

by KaLynn

Friday, February 11, 2011

May you have many worries

I was cleaning emails today. Just hitting the down arrow to see what was next. Here was what was next:

Tiny Buddah: May you have many worries

It hit home. I worry about the bills, work, school, the kids, the kids fights, the grandkids, friends, my mother, etc. Get the picture?

This story reminded me that I have today to do with the best I can. I can love the extra time God has given Michael and myself. I can love the times with the Grands. The blessing I have of working with Layne. Be thankful for the massive amount of yelping I receive when I walk through the door after work. The fact that I am not doing well in school is nothing. Let it go.

I am blessed. Aren't you too?


Saturday, January 29, 2011

Adventure and enthusiam

"Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all."

~Helen Keller

 Adventure is the result of your willingness to live life with a spirit of enthusiasm."
~Chérie Carter-Scott

From Motivation in a Minute



“Don’t wait for people to be friendly. Show them how.” -Unknown

"Don’t walk in front of me; I may not follow. Don’t walk behind me; I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend.” -Albert Camus

from Tiny Buddah

I subscribe to the email. I love the sayings and stories.


Sunday, January 9, 2011

Books, books and more books

I found this amazing book, John's Story, The Last Eyewitness, from the Jesus Chronicles. It is the first book. There are 3 others in hardback but Matthew's Story is only in hardback. This is the story of John and his life. It is great so far.

I have 3 books going at the same time and this one is the one that is the first for me to pick up.

The next one I pick up is this one: Praying God's Will for Your Life is very good also. Totally different kind of book. It is a slower reading for me. Honestly, I get the studders when reading this book. I'm a control freak. I want to control everything. My life, my kids lives, my job, etc. This is a turning it over to God book. It is a hard book for me to put into practice. I am working on it.

Let Go. Let God.

I know when I do, things are much, much better. But I keep closing my fist and holding on. So I sometimes have to pry those fingers open and give it up.

Let Go.