Wednesday, September 7, 2011


I am thinkin that maybe I need to connect with someone that has an HIV+  person in their life.

This is not just someone is sick and will get well.

This is a forever thing.

And it is not so wonderful.

I've been crying for over a year.

I didn't think I could cry so much.

I'm tired of it.

Michael is tired of it.

I think Michael is tired of me.

I don't know what to do.

I can't fix this.

I think I can fix everything.

But I can't fix this.

I feel like a failure.

In my mind, I know that is not true but in my heart I still feel it.

Some days it is all I can do to get out of bed.

Then other days I can't go to sleep.

I'm exhausted but sleep will not come.

Which makes crying so much easier.

At any point, I could just fall apart and become just a pile of bones.


Chatty Crone said...

I think you definitely positively need to go and find a support group. You need some friends going through the same thing and you can learn things from them. Love, sandie

Belle said...

I haven't been following you for very long so I looked on your other blog and back posts in order to understand who Michael is. I see he is your son and I want to say how sorry I am that he is sick with Aids. I read in one blog how he doesn't want to go out much. Your heart must be breaking.

My husband has been sick with Carcinoid Syndrome since 1989 and it has been very hard to live with. He has been in and out of hospitals also and suffers from pain every day. Our lives changed forever when he got sick. The few times we ever do anything together is when he is off work for awhile and gets his strength back. He never wants to go anywhere and I don't blame him. He just feels so exhausted all the time.

I think it is a good idea to meet with a group of people who are going through the same thing as you. I hope you find some people to talk with. My thoughts and prayers are with you.