Musings of a Mental Patient

As I sit and wonder about the past.

And think about the future.

I get sad.

I have children that cannot stand me.

Cannot stand to listen to my voice.

Cannot stand to hear me breathe.

Cannot stand to see me.

Unless they need something.

And  until something better comes along they will tolerate me.

There is nothing I can do to change this.

Except to stop breathing, talking and being.

I'm not ready yet.

My heart hurts daily.

Hourly.

Minute by minute.

And it comes across that I am in a bad mood.

I guess next time, I should just walk away.

Say no.

Be cold.

I can change the way I react/act.

I can say no.

I can say this is enough.

I can make a life for me.

I can make my heart hard so that when they say things, they will not know whether it hurts me or not.

I will not cry.

I will go on.

This is not a pity party.

It is just a fact of  my life.