Monday, January 30, 2012

Daily Prayer?

Do you pray daily?

At a specific time?

A certain place?

I have begun to do a little meditation while my tub is getting filled in the mornings.

I thank God for my life. Good times and Bad, sickness and health.

I ask Him to fill me with His love and understanding

so that others may see Him through me.

Not sure how others see me but it sure make my days start better!

So that on mornings when I do a dumb thing like taking vitamins on an empty stomach and get to work and the internet is down and the phones are right, I don't turn into a banshee.........

Hugs my friends!

May God Bless you immensely!

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Hey ya'll!

I did get a blessing from the Mom trip, I found a couple of books that are awesome.

Jesus Calling by Sarah Young. It is devotionals for every day of the year. Very awesome. It is written like Jesus is talking to you not third person.

The other is Guideposts for the Spirit: Stories of Love for Mothers. I've read just a few of those and they are awesome!

I also got more of my Mom's and Dad's bibles along with a couple of my Grandmother's song books.

That was a blessing it it's self!

Out of not so happy camper times, comes good things, if only we take the time to see them!


Tuesday, January 24, 2012

So Today I Changed the Prayer!

Today instead of asking God to take away the darkness and anger, I thanked Him for it.

I thanked Him for everything. Good and bad.

I thanked Him for every inch of my life.

Guess what?

The sunshine came back!

Thanks for all your prayers!

They helped me to wake up and return to the prayer I was praying every day before all this sadness.

I wanted the sadness to go away so that is what I focused on.

I should have focused on God and Jesus.

Once I did that, I opened my hands and heart to Him and it all melted.

So dear friends, you helped me immensely!

Hugs to all!

Monday, January 23, 2012

My "born into" family sucks

My "born into" family absolutely drives me insane. (I have made me another family that does not drive me too crazy.....They are MY family.)

My mother has a whole album of my daughter, Tracy, that passed away in 1986. I have almost none because I thought I lost the pictures.

I found them last week at Mother's apartment.

She has moved in with my brother because she has been diagnosed with dementia.

Whatever. When it suits her she has it and when it doesn't she doesn't.

She is front and center of every one's attention and she is loving it. She told me so. For the first time in her life she is center of attention......Good grief.....

Anyway, back to the pictures. She also has almost 5 completely full albums of my family with a few pictures of the other granddaughter thrown in. But 99.9% are my family.....

I can't take them to get copies made. We have an EXCELLENT place here. But nooooooooooo, I can't have them.

My brother asked me what I wanted. I told him, the handmade quilts, the quilt my sister and I made mom. Nope. Not those either. Finally I was so very upset because I couldn't even find the quilt Jan and I had made that the wife said Oh maybe I picked that up with the towels........Yup. They had the quilt. But not the others that my mom had stored away for 30 years. Those had disappeared.......

When I went up there I thought it was just a visit.

Nope, I was told to go thru and get everything I wanted.

Did someone miss that I drive a CAMARO?

We could have gone in Jan's SUV if I had known he wanted me to take stuff back. I thought no biggie, he is keeping the apartment til the lease runs out......

So I shoot him an email, since he refused to be in the same room with me so we could talk, telling him the few pieces of furniture and dishes I would take.

I get an email back saying Oh Sorry. That is all gone to Wife's kids..........

I have a dark, dark, dark cloud hovering above me. It is getting some what better but everytime I think of this, my anger burns brighter.

I did finally get him to agree to get the pictures professionally copied to disk and I could pay for them. So I tell Mother that I am excited since he would not let me bring them home to get done. She jumps down my throat and tells me that Bro is the head of the house now and I better get used to listening to him.......

Oh. No. You. Did. Not. Just. Say. That.

I was not real good at taking orders when I lived at home and so for those two to try to get me to do it now is chapping me.

I don't jump because they tell me to jump.

So  I will probably never see the pictures of my daughter again. BTW-When I asked if I could have some or get them copied a couple of years ago-Mother's response: When I die.........

Keep me in your prayers, please! I need them desperately!!!

Monday, January 9, 2012

Just thinkin

Do you ever wonder why in the summer we have dry, brown grass and in the winter it is green and needs mowing?

Not related to the above question, but my Mom has been diagnosed with Dementia. She has been moved in with my brother and his family. It will not be much longer til they can no longer care for her. She thinks my brother is my dad. I am due to go out and see her soon with my sister. Wonder who we will be?

My grandmother also had dementia. My oldest aunt died of lung cancer, my next to oldest aunt died of throat cancer, my next to that aunt died from abuse. Now my mom has dementia.

It's been rather a sad time lately. I can't imagine having a screwed up world where one minute everything is fine and the next you are in a different time.

I feel for my brother and his family.

Do you ever wonder why.........