MDA Donations

Everyone, I want to thank you all for your contributions! We came is as top Jailbird! I will get to meet some of the kids and their family in September. I wish all of you could be there with me because without you, I would not have made it. So thank you all so much! We raised enough to send 3 kiddos to camp! Not just 2, but 3! So again thank  you from all the kids that will benefit from your donations!!

$397 to go!

We need $397 to get the second child to MDA camp! Please donate!

There is even online access where you can donate!

Let's not fail these children! Let's make them feel even more specialer than they already are!

Give them a surprise!

Send them tot camp!

So contact me and I will give you the web address!

Please help these kiddos!!

MDA and Jail

MDA has roped me in and will round me up for Jail next Thursday. 

I have to raise $1600 so 2 kiddos can go to camp. 

Got a note today from the mom of one, brought tears to my eyes, got a goodie bag from another and more tears fell. 

I cry because my daughter is moving to Georgia. These kids (and adults) struggle everyday of their lives and they don't give up and don't sit and bawl because of a move. . . 

So I have gotten after it today on my facebook and so far have raised $620 since last Friday. I have til August 9 to raise the other amount. 

If you feel the need to donate, then reply to me and I will send you the online link to donate money. 

May God bless you today and every day!

The world

Do you ever get to just sit and listen to all the noises around you?

Tonight was one of those nights, I was out watering my new plants and no cars were buzzing down the road.

 

There was a gentle breeze, crickets, a few birds.

The sky was beautiful.

I thanked God for my world. For Him building it and maintaining it for me, for you. 

I thanked Him for America and the glorious life He has given me. 

Tonight, I thanked God for everything He has given me, and even the stuff He didn't. 

Hugs my friends! 

Getting into perspective!

As most of you know from my other blog, KaLynn, my mom passed on a couple of weeks ago. April 6.

She drove me nuts. Ab-so-lute-ly  bonkers. Especially in the past year.

But now that I can't talk to her, I've been miserable. Crying at the sight of a shirt she would like. Crying because I can't talk to her while the boys practice ball. Crying myself to sleep at my desk at work.

This went on for two weeks. Every. Day. Every waking hour. Minute. Nano-second. I was getting to the place I could not function.

Then I got a text message from my Oregon friend, Rob. Her MRI came back clean just a new symptom of fibromyalgia.

The next day, I got a text from my long time friend, LeeLee, that her back surgery seems to have messed up and she is going back to doc today.

Another friend that I talked to at Mom's graveside service, her husband has two more radiation treatments and hopefully he will be done.  He had prostate cancer, stage 4.

A guy that works here,his wife has the same disease Bernie Mack had. She is in constant pain and seems to be in the last stages.

What am I crying for? My mom is in Heaven. My mom is with the Lord. She is not hurting, feeling bad, confused.

In fact she is practically perfect now.

So why am I crying?

I'm crying because I am selfish.

My mom can hear me talk to her.

Just like the Lord can hear me talk to Him.

I needed to be reminded that I need to be back on the prayer train for the people who need it.

Stop looking at me, I am fine. Mom is fine.

Some aren't so lucky.

My Father showed me how blessed Mom is. I am.

How blessed are you?

Hugs,

Reading

I have gotten so bogged down reading the Bible. Am in Leviticus and it is a hard book, to read and to understand.

I think I would never have made it. I screw up hourly, minute by minute, I wouldn't have enough animals to sacrifice!

I think  Wow, Jesus died for me.

HE is all those sacrifices.

He went though things I cannot fathom.

Pain

Humiliation

Pain

and even more pain.

Pain I can not in my wildest dreams

Because He loved me.

Because God love me.

Today I wonder, was I worth it?

Tiny Wisdom Post

TINY WISDOM: DO YOU RECOGNIZE AND RECEIVE LOVE? (right on this and it will take you to website)

“Your task is not to seek love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” ~Rumi

After I wrote yesterday’s post about giving and receiving love, I started to think about the many times in the past when I felt love-deprived.

It’s easy to feel that way when we’ve been hurt or we think we’re alone—as if there aren’t any people who are really looking out for us.

In retrospect, I realize that when I felt this way, it wasn’t that no one loved me. It was that I was too busy looking for love to open my eyes and see it.

I was too busy craving romantic love to recognize and appreciate the other forms of love coming at me; as a result, I came to every potential partner with a deep sense of neediness and lack.

Love was the one thing I didn’t have. And yet it was all around me.

What I’ve learned is that receiving love doesn’t necessarily mean opening up to a long-term relationship, though of course it can mean that. It also means consciously looking for acts of love and them choosing to appreciate and accept them.

When someone looks out for you, empathizes with you, stands up for you, listens to you, relates to you, appreciates you, respects you, accepts you, or acknowledges you, they are giving you love.

When someone thanks you, encourages you, believes in you, supports you, forgives you, soothes you, uplifts you, or trusts you, they are giving you love.

When someone opens up to you, tries to know you, stays strong for you, assumes the best in you, compliments you, mentors you, makes time for you, or makes an effort for you, they are giving you love.

Love is always coming at us, in one form or another—sometimes from friends, sometimes from family, sometimes from strangers we may only know in passing.

It might be a thoughtful call at just the right time, a warm hug for no good reason, or even a supportive blog comment on a day when you felt weak and afraid.

We all have so much love to give, and we’re giving it every day. The only question is whether or not we’re also able to recognize and really receive it.

**********************************************************************

I did not write this but snagged it from Tiny Wisdom. It struck a cord with me. 

Some days we just do not see how much love surrounds us. 

Today may we see how much we are loved.

Depression

Since last week or last  time that I wrote, I have been draggin' and sleepin' and almost cryin'. Strugglin' to get through the days doin' what I am 'spose to.

I think I had gotten out of the habit of taking my Prozac. (It has a marked influence on  my personality.)

So through tears I have been doggedly praying to the Lord for help and to fill me. He finally made me realize that I need medicine. This is not something I can do without. And believe you me, I have tried.

So while holding His hand I have begun the routine again.

I read an article today about Depression . This made so much sense to me! My brain seems like it is constantly going and going and going, like an Ever Ready Battery Bunny!

I had tried so many other antidepressants but none seemed to work. Vowed never to do it again. I just needed to buck up and all would be fine.

Then Micael got sick. Or rather we found out Micael was sick.

Coping is not something I do very well.

I want to FIX EVERYTHING.

I CANNOT FIX MICAEL.

I prayed and prayed but mainly just wanted to cry all the time.

I was having trouble focusing, more importantly, focusing on the Lord, for the eye leaks.

Finally I told the Doc and he suggested Prozac.

I took it til I thought things were better and then came off of it.

Then  friends and family started asking if I was not taking the meds again.

I have realized, Depression is like a DISEASE. It is not something that you get over. It is a lack of connection or rather a too good connection, according to that article. It is something you cannot just fix without medicine.

We all have things that are "wrong" with us, some more noticeable than others.

None of us are perfect.

May we remember to pray for others, even if we don't think anything is wrong.

We just never know what is going on inside that person.

Hugs.

Give Thanks

Ya know those days when it seems nothing goes right?

Bad news?

Sadness?

Gray skies all around?

Sit down, close your eyes, raise your arms and open your hands to the heavens and

LET IT GO!!

Instead of thinking how wrong things are, think of how right things are.

Thank God for what you have.

Thank God for the bad stuff.

Crazy, right?

No.

By thanking HIM for the bad stuff you give it TO Him to handle.

Surely you jest, you say.

No, I'm not joking.

I remember a time when I thought I was going to die. Literally.

After many many years of praying for God to let me die, I realized I didn't want to.

He let me live.

Though for many years afterwards, I continued to make bad choices.

It wasn't until Micael was diagnosed with HIV that I came to know God FOR REAL.

Not just a prayer thrown out asking for help because that is the thing to do. Earnestly KNOW God.

I didn't want to bury another child, but I understood that if God wanted Micael there was nothing, absolutely nothing, I could do. So I asked for strength to accept whatever decision He made.

I sent emails out to with requests for that prayer. Just ask God to give us strength to accept whatever the outcome.

I realize that God has given me extra time with Micael. I want to enjoy every day I have been given. I did not realize that with Trace until it was too late. I never want to take for granted my time with my family and friends again.

I thank God daily for my life, all the bad, with all the good. Because without all the bad, I would not have the faith that I have now. I would not be able to talk to some people about experiences without the bad. Including my bad choices. Some of us take the short road to God and others of us, like me, take the long and winding road, up that mountain, down in the valley, through sunshine and rain, hot and cold, to get to the moment where we look up and realize that God is there, has always been there, just walking beside us, waiting for us to reach out our hand to hold His.

Some of us are hardheaded, like me, and it takes longer, but He is there, watching over us.

I ask that God fill me with HIS love and compassion so that others may see HIM in me. That others see a change in me from the bad girl to a better girl. That they are curious what is going on with me. That they will ask what makes my life now so different.

I want to tell them.

My life is not perfect by any means. But it is my life and I am grateful for it.

May your life become a blessing for you too.

May God bless you today.

May you be Blessed too!

As  you know, I am on a journey to come closer to God and let Him lead me (instead of me trying to lead Him) on the path. Instead of fighting the Force, I am trying to listen to the Force. It makes for a much calmer day let me assure you. May not always be the easiest but it is calmer than the back and forth trying to argue with God. You do not, repeat NOT, win.

I have made some not so hot choices for most of my life. Those choices not only affected me, but my kids and grandkids also.

I want to do something right for a change.

I want to walk with  God.

I want to feel the warmth of His love.

I want to feel His hand holding mine and I want Him to carry me when I fall.

Sandie has been with me since the beginning of this blog and so has Belle. They have held my hand and let me cry on their shoulders. They are the best. They have prayed.

So in following them, I have come across some blogs that are helping in that journey:

Created For a Journey (Nancy)

Chatty Crone (Sandie)

Me Myself and Mercy (Mary)

It's All About Purple (Debbie)

Good Morning God (Belle)


All these folks have blessed my days and are holding my hand as I try to reach my resting place with the Lord. (Even if they don't realize it!)

I know if you let them, they will bless your life too.

As I come across more, I will pass them along.

May you have a blessed day!


Hugs!

Imagine the ridicule

Have you ever thought of what Jesus went through as a child?

Do you think He was made fun of because His mother was pregnant before she married Joseph?

Do you think He was tortured with words and physically?

Do you think the people made fun of Mary too?

I never thought of this before until Friday when I was visiting with a friend.

Really made me stop and think.

Have a blessed day!

Resting Place

I have been slowly reading my way through the New Testament.

And I do mean slowly!

I have now gotten to the very last book.

I have always been scared to read it.

Literally. Scared.

But today it was all I could do to put the book down and get to work!

My daily meditations are beginning to get longer too, I am so loving the fact that I have gotten quiet and am letting God and Jesus in to my life.

It is so peaceful.

I just have to remember when hectic comes to just go back to resting in Him. Instead of trying to handle everything myself!

May you find your resting place too!

Hugs!

Daily Prayer?

Do you pray daily?

At a specific time?

A certain place?

I have begun to do a little meditation while my tub is getting filled in the mornings.

I thank God for my life. Good times and Bad, sickness and health.

I ask Him to fill me with His love and understanding

so that others may see Him through me.

Not sure how others see me but it sure make my days start better!

So that on mornings when I do a dumb thing like taking vitamins on an empty stomach and get to work and the internet is down and the phones are right, I don't turn into a banshee.........

Hugs my friends!

May God Bless you immensely!

Hey ya'll!

I did get a blessing from the Mom trip, I found a couple of books that are awesome.

Jesus Calling by Sarah Young. It is devotionals for every day of the year. Very awesome. It is written like Jesus is talking to you not third person.

The other is Guideposts for the Spirit: Stories of Love for Mothers. I've read just a few of those and they are awesome!

I also got more of my Mom's and Dad's bibles along with a couple of my Grandmother's song books.

That was a blessing it it's self!

Out of not so happy camper times, comes good things, if only we take the time to see them!

Hugs!

So Today I Changed the Prayer!

Today instead of asking God to take away the darkness and anger, I thanked Him for it.

I thanked Him for everything. Good and bad.

I thanked Him for every inch of my life.

Guess what?

The sunshine came back!

Thanks for all your prayers!

They helped me to wake up and return to the prayer I was praying every day before all this sadness.

I wanted the sadness to go away so that is what I focused on.

I should have focused on God and Jesus.

Once I did that, I opened my hands and heart to Him and it all melted.

So dear friends, you helped me immensely!

Hugs to all!

My "born into" family sucks

My "born into" family absolutely drives me insane. (I have made me another family that does not drive me too crazy.....They are MY family.)

My mother has a whole album of my daughter, Tracy, that passed away in 1986. I have almost none because I thought I lost the pictures.

I found them last week at Mother's apartment.

She has moved in with my brother because she has been diagnosed with dementia.

Whatever. When it suits her she has it and when it doesn't she doesn't.

She is front and center of every one's attention and she is loving it. She told me so. For the first time in her life she is center of attention......Good grief.....

Anyway, back to the pictures. She also has almost 5 completely full albums of my family with a few pictures of the other granddaughter thrown in. But 99.9% are my family.....

I can't take them to get copies made. We have an EXCELLENT place here. But nooooooooooo, I can't have them.

My brother asked me what I wanted. I told him, the handmade quilts, the quilt my sister and I made mom. Nope. Not those either. Finally I was so very upset because I couldn't even find the quilt Jan and I had made that the wife said Oh maybe I picked that up with the towels........Yup. They had the quilt. But not the others that my mom had stored away for 30 years. Those had disappeared.......

When I went up there I thought it was just a visit.

Nope, I was told to go thru and get everything I wanted.

Did someone miss that I drive a CAMARO?

We could have gone in Jan's SUV if I had known he wanted me to take stuff back. I thought no biggie, he is keeping the apartment til the lease runs out......

So I shoot him an email, since he refused to be in the same room with me so we could talk, telling him the few pieces of furniture and dishes I would take.

I get an email back saying Oh Sorry. That is all gone to Wife's kids..........

I have a dark, dark, dark cloud hovering above me. It is getting some what better but everytime I think of this, my anger burns brighter.

I did finally get him to agree to get the pictures professionally copied to disk and I could pay for them. So I tell Mother that I am excited since he would not let me bring them home to get done. She jumps down my throat and tells me that Bro is the head of the house now and I better get used to listening to him.......

Oh. No. You. Did. Not. Just. Say. That.

I was not real good at taking orders when I lived at home and so for those two to try to get me to do it now is chapping me.

I don't jump because they tell me to jump.

So  I will probably never see the pictures of my daughter again. BTW-When I asked if I could have some or get them copied a couple of years ago-Mother's response: When I die.........

Keep me in your prayers, please! I need them desperately!!!

Just thinkin

Do you ever wonder why in the summer we have dry, brown grass and in the winter it is green and needs mowing?

Not related to the above question, but my Mom has been diagnosed with Dementia. She has been moved in with my brother and his family. It will not be much longer til they can no longer care for her. She thinks my brother is my dad. I am due to go out and see her soon with my sister. Wonder who we will be?

My grandmother also had dementia. My oldest aunt died of lung cancer, my next to oldest aunt died of throat cancer, my next to that aunt died from abuse. Now my mom has dementia.

It's been rather a sad time lately. I can't imagine having a screwed up world where one minute everything is fine and the next you are in a different time.

I feel for my brother and his family.

Do you ever wonder why.........

Hugs,