Signs

Do you ever feel like you are all alone?

With the world is crushing in on you?

Like you have no one to turn to?

You say a short sentence: God, are you real?

Then you hear a laugh, or the wind gently brushes by you, or someone walks by and smiles?

Yes, He was with you.

I asked for a hug, a big God hold.

I felt the wind surround me.

I was hugged.

May you receive your God Hug today!

Wooden cross

While in Wimberly a couple of weeks ago, I saw a wooden cross. It was small compared to the other crosses, only about 6 inches tall about 4 inches across and about 2 inches thick. It was beautiful. It was almost perfect. The lower 2 inches of the bottom of the cross was eaten away. Whether from bugs or tree rot or whatever. It made me think, This is what Jesus was at the moment He took our sins, almost perfect. Just for that instant, he was imperfect, like us. I meant to go back and get that cross. I want that daily reminder on my wall what He did for me. How He became imperfect for me. That He loved me THAT much. Hugs,

Thoughts

I am thinkin that maybe I need to connect with someone that has an HIV+  person in their life.

This is not just someone is sick and will get well.

This is a forever thing.

And it is not so wonderful.

I've been crying for over a year.

I didn't think I could cry so much.

I'm tired of it.

Michael is tired of it.

I think Michael is tired of me.

I don't know what to do.

I can't fix this.

I think I can fix everything.

But I can't fix this.

I feel like a failure.

In my mind, I know that is not true but in my heart I still feel it.

Some days it is all I can do to get out of bed.

Then other days I can't go to sleep.

I'm exhausted but sleep will not come.

Which makes crying so much easier.

At any point, I could just fall apart and become just a pile of bones.

Musings of a Mental Patient

As I sit and wonder about the past.

And think about the future.

I get sad.

I have children that cannot stand me.

Cannot stand to listen to my voice.

Cannot stand to hear me breathe.

Cannot stand to see me.

Unless they need something.

And  until something better comes along they will tolerate me.

There is nothing I can do to change this.

Except to stop breathing, talking and being.

I'm not ready yet.

My heart hurts daily.

Hourly.

Minute by minute.

And it comes across that I am in a bad mood.

I guess next time, I should just walk away.

Say no.

Be cold.

I can change the way I react/act.

I can say no.

I can say this is enough.

I can make a life for me.

I can make my heart hard so that when they say things, they will not know whether it hurts me or not.

I will not cry.

I will go on.

This is not a pity party.

It is just a fact of  my life.

I lost again

You know those days when every which way you turn something is happening that is not according to your schedule?
I have those often anymore. So I'm trying to open my hands and just deal with it. Let it go.

On my way home I turn the radio on to usually mellow music to unwind from a crazy hectic day that seems to be happening EVERY day lately.

My car has it's own phone number. When someone calls that number, it stops my radio.

The person that had my car's number didn't pay her bills. Her name is Mary. I don't remember the last name.

Yesterday, some idiot calls and asks for Mary. I reply, you have the wrong number, please remove it from your data base. Thanks.

Idiot starts yapping telling me I am Mary.

Sir, you have the wrong number.

I hang up.

He hits redial.

I disconnect.

He hits redial 3 more times.

I even stop and get out at FedEx to drop off packages.

He hits redial 3 more times.

I disconnect every time.

I am almost home, he calls again.

I answer and by this time I am pissed to no end: Hey stupid moron, you have the wrong number! Quit calling me!

He says: NO! I have right numba, YOU have wrong person! We file legal action on you, Mary!

ME: Can I speak to your manager?

Idiot: Hewo? Hewo? You still there?  Hewo

Me: Stop calling me.

Idiot: I call you wots now! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

I lose it. I am screamin: Stop callin me You 'effin Moron!

I disconnect.

I do not know how to turn this phone off.

I am being harassed by several people over this girl's bills.

I called OnStar and had the phone number changed.

Hopefully it won't be someone's old number that didn't pay their bills.

I am really really trying to quit saying the F bomb.

I lost the battle with the Devil.

He pushed and exploded.

I lost yesterday.

But today is a new day.

I will try again.

Hugs!

The Christian Atheist

This is a fantastic book. It is really hitting close to home with me. I hope you can try it out.

The Christian Atheist

Hugs!

Dove chocolate sayings

You are exactly where you are suppose to be!

Your smile brightens the whole room!!

The fastest way to my heart is chocolate!!

Go grab some Dove chocolates and see if they don't just brighten your day!

The dark chocolate are the very best!

Hugs!