Depression

Since last week or last  time that I wrote, I have been draggin' and sleepin' and almost cryin'. Strugglin' to get through the days doin' what I am 'spose to.

I think I had gotten out of the habit of taking my Prozac. (It has a marked influence on  my personality.)

So through tears I have been doggedly praying to the Lord for help and to fill me. He finally made me realize that I need medicine. This is not something I can do without. And believe you me, I have tried.

So while holding His hand I have begun the routine again.

I read an article today about Depression . This made so much sense to me! My brain seems like it is constantly going and going and going, like an Ever Ready Battery Bunny!

I had tried so many other antidepressants but none seemed to work. Vowed never to do it again. I just needed to buck up and all would be fine.

Then Micael got sick. Or rather we found out Micael was sick.

Coping is not something I do very well.

I want to FIX EVERYTHING.

I CANNOT FIX MICAEL.

I prayed and prayed but mainly just wanted to cry all the time.

I was having trouble focusing, more importantly, focusing on the Lord, for the eye leaks.

Finally I told the Doc and he suggested Prozac.

I took it til I thought things were better and then came off of it.

Then  friends and family started asking if I was not taking the meds again.

I have realized, Depression is like a DISEASE. It is not something that you get over. It is a lack of connection or rather a too good connection, according to that article. It is something you cannot just fix without medicine.

We all have things that are "wrong" with us, some more noticeable than others.

None of us are perfect.

May we remember to pray for others, even if we don't think anything is wrong.

We just never know what is going on inside that person.

Hugs.

Give Thanks

Ya know those days when it seems nothing goes right?

Bad news?

Sadness?

Gray skies all around?

Sit down, close your eyes, raise your arms and open your hands to the heavens and

LET IT GO!!

Instead of thinking how wrong things are, think of how right things are.

Thank God for what you have.

Thank God for the bad stuff.

Crazy, right?

No.

By thanking HIM for the bad stuff you give it TO Him to handle.

Surely you jest, you say.

No, I'm not joking.

I remember a time when I thought I was going to die. Literally.

After many many years of praying for God to let me die, I realized I didn't want to.

He let me live.

Though for many years afterwards, I continued to make bad choices.

It wasn't until Micael was diagnosed with HIV that I came to know God FOR REAL.

Not just a prayer thrown out asking for help because that is the thing to do. Earnestly KNOW God.

I didn't want to bury another child, but I understood that if God wanted Micael there was nothing, absolutely nothing, I could do. So I asked for strength to accept whatever decision He made.

I sent emails out to with requests for that prayer. Just ask God to give us strength to accept whatever the outcome.

I realize that God has given me extra time with Micael. I want to enjoy every day I have been given. I did not realize that with Trace until it was too late. I never want to take for granted my time with my family and friends again.

I thank God daily for my life, all the bad, with all the good. Because without all the bad, I would not have the faith that I have now. I would not be able to talk to some people about experiences without the bad. Including my bad choices. Some of us take the short road to God and others of us, like me, take the long and winding road, up that mountain, down in the valley, through sunshine and rain, hot and cold, to get to the moment where we look up and realize that God is there, has always been there, just walking beside us, waiting for us to reach out our hand to hold His.

Some of us are hardheaded, like me, and it takes longer, but He is there, watching over us.

I ask that God fill me with HIS love and compassion so that others may see HIM in me. That others see a change in me from the bad girl to a better girl. That they are curious what is going on with me. That they will ask what makes my life now so different.

I want to tell them.

My life is not perfect by any means. But it is my life and I am grateful for it.

May your life become a blessing for you too.

May God bless you today.

May you be Blessed too!

As  you know, I am on a journey to come closer to God and let Him lead me (instead of me trying to lead Him) on the path. Instead of fighting the Force, I am trying to listen to the Force. It makes for a much calmer day let me assure you. May not always be the easiest but it is calmer than the back and forth trying to argue with God. You do not, repeat NOT, win.

I have made some not so hot choices for most of my life. Those choices not only affected me, but my kids and grandkids also.

I want to do something right for a change.

I want to walk with  God.

I want to feel the warmth of His love.

I want to feel His hand holding mine and I want Him to carry me when I fall.

Sandie has been with me since the beginning of this blog and so has Belle. They have held my hand and let me cry on their shoulders. They are the best. They have prayed.

So in following them, I have come across some blogs that are helping in that journey:

Created For a Journey (Nancy)

Chatty Crone (Sandie)

Me Myself and Mercy (Mary)

It's All About Purple (Debbie)

Good Morning God (Belle)


All these folks have blessed my days and are holding my hand as I try to reach my resting place with the Lord. (Even if they don't realize it!)

I know if you let them, they will bless your life too.

As I come across more, I will pass them along.

May you have a blessed day!


Hugs!

Imagine the ridicule

Have you ever thought of what Jesus went through as a child?

Do you think He was made fun of because His mother was pregnant before she married Joseph?

Do you think He was tortured with words and physically?

Do you think the people made fun of Mary too?

I never thought of this before until Friday when I was visiting with a friend.

Really made me stop and think.

Have a blessed day!

Resting Place

I have been slowly reading my way through the New Testament.

And I do mean slowly!

I have now gotten to the very last book.

I have always been scared to read it.

Literally. Scared.

But today it was all I could do to put the book down and get to work!

My daily meditations are beginning to get longer too, I am so loving the fact that I have gotten quiet and am letting God and Jesus in to my life.

It is so peaceful.

I just have to remember when hectic comes to just go back to resting in Him. Instead of trying to handle everything myself!

May you find your resting place too!

Hugs!

Daily Prayer?

Do you pray daily?

At a specific time?

A certain place?

I have begun to do a little meditation while my tub is getting filled in the mornings.

I thank God for my life. Good times and Bad, sickness and health.

I ask Him to fill me with His love and understanding

so that others may see Him through me.

Not sure how others see me but it sure make my days start better!

So that on mornings when I do a dumb thing like taking vitamins on an empty stomach and get to work and the internet is down and the phones are right, I don't turn into a banshee.........

Hugs my friends!

May God Bless you immensely!

Hey ya'll!

I did get a blessing from the Mom trip, I found a couple of books that are awesome.

Jesus Calling by Sarah Young. It is devotionals for every day of the year. Very awesome. It is written like Jesus is talking to you not third person.

The other is Guideposts for the Spirit: Stories of Love for Mothers. I've read just a few of those and they are awesome!

I also got more of my Mom's and Dad's bibles along with a couple of my Grandmother's song books.

That was a blessing it it's self!

Out of not so happy camper times, comes good things, if only we take the time to see them!

Hugs!